Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday. Please be safe and enjoy your time with friends and family.

Its a Boy!!!

Or rather...its BOYS!!! The parents have named them : Filip and Lukas. Filip is the kicker, and Lukas is the one who will get to be born first.

Well, just thought I would share the info. Still feeling huge...waiting for my yoga pants to come from Old Navy so that I can get back to the gym. I have no workout clothes that I can squeeze my butt into until then :(

And today....

Whoever said pregnancy is beautiful or whatever was full of shit. They were just afraid of pissing off a pregnant woman & getting hurt, cause there is nothing beautiful or glowing about this. only 21 weeks to go....

BEFORE

this is the before picture from the first IVF last February. Oh how I miss my flat tummy.

Its tuesday...

and can I just say that I am counting down the minutes to Friday morning & my ultra sound? And even more anticipated, my prenatal massage on Friday afternoon!!!

This pregnancy is wearing me out. I am so looking forward to a mini vacation this weekend after I find out if I am carrying girls or boys or both! I will let you guys know as soon as I know!!!

I'm getting kicked...

...a lot. Just in case you were wondering.

Popped!

So over thanksgiving we had a 4 day holiday...I swear people walked into work yesterday and their jaws dropped when they saw me. They can't stop staring. Now I would love to think its cause my ass looks so great in my jeans or they all just realized how closely I resemble Reese Witherspoon...but in reality...its just that my belly is HUGE. Now, I KNOW, you are all thinking "HELLO!!! Did you see that last picture? Your belly was already getting huge." but it just keeps growing! And there is nothing I can do to control it. There are 2 little buggers in there competing for space and I'm starting to look like I should drop a baby in a few days rather then in 5 months. I guess thats the joy of carrying twins.

I was really good and made it to the gym 3 or 4 times over the holiday weekend (in between unpacking boxes) and let me tell you - people stare at you like they think your water is going to break any moment when you bring that pregnant belly in and heft yourself up onto an elliptical machine. I was beginning to think one of them had popped out of my stomach like in Alien when that creepy thing exploded out of sigourney weaver and I almost peed my pants in fear. THATS how people were looking at me.

So Christmas is coming and I am looking forward to getting our tree and decorating it this weekend. Maybe that will make my new house finally feel like home. But in the meantime I am gearing up for the big ultrasound on the 11th when the parents will be in town to see their babies and we find out if they are having girls or boys!!! Its very exciting.

Well, I should get back to work. Apparently they think they pay me for a reason around here. Blog again soon!

Neglected

My poor blog has been neglected, and I suppose that is because there really hasn't been any news to report along with I have been stupidly busy with school and moving.

It's official! We are all moved in to our new place, and while there is still a lot of stuff to get organized and put in its place - it really feels like out home now. Give me another week or so and it should be decent for people to come visit!

I had my appointment last week, I only gained a little under 3 pounds, which is supposedly perfect for my 2nd trimester with twins. As usual - I feel like a HOUSE! I am 16 weeks pregnant and look like i am 7 months & my boobs are OUT OF CONTROL. I can't believe how much they have grown! With my girls they never really got any bigger so I am completely shocked by this development.

Other than that, not a whole lot going on. Looking forward to Thanksgiving later this week. My next doctor appointment and our "BIG" ultrasound is on Dec. 11th. I will try to post another picture sometime soon.

Much Love...

I didn't mention it...

But at least weeks appointment I had gained 4lbs in 3 weeks. UNACCEPTABLE. I know I know, I have growing twins inside of me...but still...4 lbs is WAY excessive. So I am OBVIOUSLY not dieting. Because that would be just plain stupid. But I am trying to be good about what I eat. More fruit and veggies. LOTS of grilled/baked chicken. Less nachos from Del Taco and jalepeno poppers from Jack in the Box....oh how I do love those. Hopefully at my next dr appt I will have only gained what I should have...which is like...what maybe a pound? Cross your fingers for me people. This foodie is NOT happy about this...although I'm never hungry and actually eating food that I do like. I just HATE restricting myself from things that I love. Oh well. If my next appointment goes well my reward is 7 jalepeno poppers free of guilt!!!

THEY MOVED!!!

I'm not talking about moving your home, or anyone else. I'm talking babies! Not just jumping around on the screen where I see them. Actual rolling around in my belly. Now you can say I'm not even 13 weeks, theres no way I am feeling babies move yet...but let me tell you this. I have been pregnant before and I KNOW what baby movement feels like. Its not indigestion or gas or simply muscle spasms. These little ones were duking it out! And it was the strangest feeling. One I am used to. It moves, it rolls, it punches, it does summersaults. Sometimes they sit on your sciatic nerve or kick your bladder so that you pee a little bit. That I am used to. But It felt like these little buggers were taking running leaps at each other and doing belly thumps the way grown men do when they score a point on the field. Never has anything been so strange or awe inspiring. For the first time it has really hit me...these little guys(and I say guys only because of the way they acted this morning. I don't know that girls would act like sumo wrestlers) are REAL and they have amazing Daddys who cannot wait to meet them. I wish that they could experience this movement. I can't wait until they come out for the ultra-sound in december. By then they will be able to feel them kick & how fun will that be! I can't wait to give them these wondeful little gifts. Now remember that, cause in a few months I will be whining about how heavy they are and how they won't stop moving or kicking my bladder. When they make me pee myself or vomit I won't sound as awe inspired, so when that happens...remind me of this day.

Moving...

An opportunity to live next door to my parents opened up, and being super close to my family I couldn't pass on it. So I will be moving the weekend before Thanksgiving. However, I'm not supposed to lift anything...so don't ask me how I am going to pack and move....because I'm really not sure yet! But I will figure it out. I have my first trimester screening down in San Diego today, so I will let you know how that goes once I know!

1st trimester DONE!

I'm officially in my second trimester - YAY!!!

We know what the problem is!!!

Now, if only there was a way to fix it!

So apparently I have a weak blood vessel in/on my cervix. And when there is undue pressure on my abdomen( pushing a grocery cart, working out, being on my feet too much, picking Brynn up, coughing my lungs out with a cold) it bleeds. Nothing can be done about it. It's making me slightly anemic and will only get worse (JOY!). But its not a HUGE deal I just have to keep an eye on it...so watch it I will....

ugh

We had some complications over the weekend. I got to spent Friday night in the ER and was on bedrest all weekend again(boooO!) But the babies are ok and my cervix appears closed so the doctors didn't seem concerned that I was gushing blood. And since it has stopped I am no longer concerned. I am however concerned that I am big as a house. Here is a peek at me 11weeks pregnant with twins.

The babies

Baby A & Baby B are measuring 11.0 and 11.1 weeks respectively. The doctor hasn't changed my due date from this...but obviously the little buggers are growing like weeds! They didn't give me any pictures today, so you are saved the peek at the gummi bears...but they were dancing around like maniacs. She had trouble getting the fetal heartbeat not because it wasn't strong but because the boogers just wouldn't stay still!!!

As for me, I am feeling GREAT (except you know, i fall asleep at like 8:15 at night). And of course I am ALWAYS starving and feeling a little bit like a sow at the moment. I will be glad to get back to yoga and do some swimming. I feel like such a SLUG lately! I need to go get a snoogle cause my back has been killing me...and I KNOW I need to stop procrastinating and just run over to BabiesRUs but I just can't seem to remember when it is feasible to go there. I always think about it after the kids are asleep or when I wake up and have to go to work. Oh well. I will get one soon.

Ok, well I should get back to work...

Its Monday Again

and I'm 10 weeks so today I get to drink a bunch of water and then go get violated - HOORAY! Oh well, its fun to watch the babies dance around. Will try to remember to post pics later today...

pictures from yesterdays appt

i keep forgetting

to post the pics from last weeks ultrasound...i will try to remember to do that tonight!

Its Twins!!!

Baby A is on the right, Baby B is on the left...both measure exactly 6.2 days (which they are supposed to) Baby A had a slightly stronger heart beat (think 2 beats a minute) but both of them are healthy and exactly where they should be at this point. Repeat Ultra Sound in the 28th. Will post another pic then!

Freaking Out...

So I woke up this morning and had a tiny bit of spotting. light brown, just a little and it is already stopped. But I can't stop freaking out. This is the exact same timing as last time. just a few days before my scheduled U/S last time i had cramping & bright red blood (that stopped) and then at the U/S no heartbeat. I am terrified the same thing is going to happen to me again. I don't want a repeat of last time. I know I am totally paranoid. But still....

So I was kinda good...

I did make it to the gym on Friday. Went like 45 minutes before I gave up. But at least I went! I was much better about doing homework this weekend than being active. But I ate pretty good and totally played in the pool with my kids on Saturday. I count that as exercise.

Here is an artsy fartsy looking belly pic. mostly its just super blurry, but whatever. I can pretend to be artistic!

Feeling like a toad...

so I need to get my ass to the gym. I have been busy and putting it off all week, but I cannot do it anymore! I am getting too big too fast. it may have to do with the whole twinsies thing, but i am not ok with it. I need to get to the gym to make sure the weight i am gaining is healthy pregnancy weight and not lazy lay around and eat nasty delicious food weight. I will let you know how the work out goes. my goal is an hour of light cardio. since i normally do WAY more at the gym i should be totally fine, but will head home if it starts to feel too much at any point.

smooches!

Beta Results are in

And I scored over 700...not familiar with the science of pregnancy...well those numbers mean twins. YAY! needless to say I am totally stoked & I know the intended parents shared a bottle of champagne to celebrate today. I celebrated by eating a grilled cheese sandwich for breakfast and 3 rolled tacos for dinner. Now if only I had a Thai iced tea, a plate of bacon wrapped scallops and a huge thing of onion rings from Red Robin, my life would be complete.

It goes without questions that these tiny little boogers have me craving some of the WEIRDEST things! Earlier in the week all I could think about was stuffed mushrooms. I finally got them on Wednesday night and they were like the most delicious thing I have ever eaten in my life. i think i might be in love with them. in fact...add them to the list of things i am craving RIGHT NOW. and a lemon brulee from claim jumper. and SHIT why am I thinking about food at 10:30 at night when the kids are asleep and I can't go get anything??? ugh. pregnancy can be frustrating. But on a positive note I am cleared to work out again (thank god considering the things i want to eat!) so its yoga tomorrow morning!!!

Peace Love and Junk FoOd.

4weeks & 2 days

Thats right folks, only 250 days left! hahaha. I have my beta test today. Then the doctors will know what I already do...there are babies in there!!!

I FORGOT...

to post the pic of the new embryos...crappy scan but you can tell by how they look they are better than the last set...well, if you have looked at pictures of blastocysts before that is...we will just say that these 2 little buggers are EXCELLENT!

I don't need a blood test to tell me I am pregnant...

or at least that the hormones are properly tricking my body into thinking it is! Morning sickness - CHECK! (more like an all day nausea...which i am no stranger to) exhausted to the point of napping on my lunch break - CHECK!
grumpy & irritable - CHECK!
Sore boobs - CHECK!
cramping - CHECK!
DID I MENTION GRUMPY & IRRITABLE?!?!?!

so the transfer went well, bed rest went...well as bedrest goes(BOO!)...and now we wait. I have my quantitative HcG test on the 28th and then we just go from there. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

TOMORROW...

...is the big day: IVF #2...Keep your fingers cross people, cause I'm in for a wild ride. I check into my hotel tonight (The Palomar in westwood -read: tiny!) and early in the AM I have my transfer then its back home to bedrest in my own bed, with my own tv & my books and friends can come visit - THANK GOODNESS! Cause the last time around was like prison.

Oh & just FYI my intended parents are getting married in October - I am so excited for them!!! I'm hoping by then to have good news for them...a bun safely baking in the oven.

Well, I am sure you will hear from me again soon.

Peace.

No News was Good News...

So its been about a month and I guess I have new news. Looks like we are on for an IVF at the end of August. Which means I get to start my shots again in about a week and a half (pardon me if i don't insert an enthusiastic yay here, but those things suck!)

We had a little scare today, apparently our egg donor couldn't remember to take her birth control pills on schedule and missed a couple. Now we are trying to salvage this cycle and let me tell you after my last experience I am not thrilled at the idea. The doctor said something like 50/50 chance that we will get awesome embryos and have no problems - but my question is...what the heck happens if we don't? I don't really want to go into this with a 50/50 chance that I am going to have to go through a miscarriage and D&C and such again. I know its not my baby, so that part at least isn't that hard...but physically it is ROUGH. It hurts like hell, its exhausting and frustrating and mentally draining. I want to be a surrogate for these amazing men, but I am terrified of another failed attempt. I want to yell at the egg donor. I mean, you are getting paid a lot of money. you KNOW you have to take this pill, you HAVE to follow your calendar, you HAVE to take your shots or things can be ruined. How on earth then did she managed to miss 2 pills??? I mean, kudos to you for calling the doc and being honest and appologetic...but what good does sorry do me? None.

Well, I guess I am done venting for the day. Hope this finds you all well. Will post again when I have any new news.

Its been a WHILE...

So I haven't posted in a long time. The miscarriage turned into more of an ordeal than expected. i lost the babies (yes there were 2 in there) carried them around for a few weeks before the doc decided they were really dead. Then He told me wait til you miscarry natually, we don't want to do a D&C unless we HAVE to. So i miscarried naturally (1 baby) but the other didn't want to come out. so a week later i got my D&C and then hemmoraghed a couple days afterwards....that was basically terrifying and miserable and the whole process has been long drawn out and a little bit frightening. And all because the egg donor didn't produce good eggs. Life is finally back to normal and hopefully next month we will get to try again, they have selected a new egg donor and we are keeping our fingers crossed! Once I have more details I will get back on here and keep you updated. much love! me.

Complications

So this surrogacy thing isn't all laughs & giggles. Friday night - bright red blood. talk about freaking me out!!! but the doctor wasn't concerned, just told me to lay down & rest (because really, at 6 weeks what could he do anyways?) It stopped, but then at my ultra sound on Monday, no fetal heart beat, no fetal pole(not really sure what that means except its bad news....they couldn't find a baby) So I had to go get an HCG test today. I feel sorry for the poor phlebotomist. He told me not to be scared and of course my reaction was "Honey, don't worry about me being scared. I'm having a baby for someone else. My dresser looks like a drug addicts rec center except none of the meds will do anything fun." I guessed the gauge of needle he was using(got it right) warned him the vein rolled and laughed at the face he made. poor kid. Had no idea who he was dealing with. He probably went home and told his gf (or bf, i certainly don't discriminate) about the crazy lady that came in for a blood test today. So anyways, the doc got the results of the HCG test and now I have to drive to LA for him to do the ultrasound himself. I don't know if its a good or a bad thing. does he think the tech was incompetent or that there is a problem other than having lost the baby? Ugh. I hate the not knowing. Will post again after my ultrasound :/ peace out yo.

Still Waiting

So I went and got my blood test yesterday, but there is still no official news as to whether I am pregnant or not. I am impatiently waiting for the doctor to call and confirm what I already know - that I am preggo. Cause if I am not pregnant with twins something is SERIOUSLY wrong with me. I had to go buy maternity pants yesterday. 3 weeks pregnant & buying maternity pants. its ridiculous. And on top of that, my sister did my hair the other day & I have even more gray hair to cover up! Not even 27 yet and already have some gray hair. such a sad thing. Thank god for hair dye. Well, my sister did my hair for me....and I hate it. I wanted to drastically cut it all off, but she thought I would regret it. So she cut it to this inbetween place that I hate. and She gave me bangs again, which I normally like, but they are WAY too short - so needless to say - you get no picture of the new hair. I figure I will wait a week and then tell her this shit needs to get cut another 3 inches. cause I am very unhappy with it as it is. I guess I have vented about my day again. Will let you know when news from the doctor comes!

The embryos...

So yesterday morning I went to my amazing fertility doctor for my IVF. These are the 2 little guys that they implanted in me: So now I am on bed rest, bored out of my mind. So I am blogging to all of you guys. I plan on keeping you updated on the belly growth. Here is point of reference #1. My Tummy DAY ONE....2 little embryos floating around in there: I will post another shot when my tummy starts to look preggo. Now I will continue to lay in bed and wish I could go do something. I don't know what, but ANYTHING besides lay here. Ah, C'est la vie.

My last beer

So Tuesday night I had to come up to LA for my embryo transfer (wed morning) SO, I figured, what the hell. I need to see my old friends Sean & Kutch. I even got to meet the amazing Jac that Sean has been telling me so much about recently. So I got ready and met them for a burger & a last beer at Fathers Office. The beer was good,the burger was better but catching up with the old friends in person was the best. Here is the picture of my last beer:

The start of a journey...

Well, since my world pretty much revolves around my surrogacy at the moment, I have decided to start keeping a blog about this little adventure. So tomorrow is my very first day of injections (a shot in the butt every 3 days for the next 3 weeks-YAY!). And I am excited a little, but mostly just nervous as hell. I was on a conference call earlier in the week with several of the surrogates with my agency and a few of them are on their 2nd or 3rd IVF and I have to be honest, while I know that sometimes it takes multiple tries, it hasn't really occured to me that my first try next month might not take. And that has me a little worried, because ultimately, I don't want to disappoint these amazing men. So any good thoughts you can send my way around the 20th would be greatly appreciated. We all know I have never had a problem getting pregnant, so this should be a cake walk- but still, I could use all the help I can get. Will check back in when I have anything new to report.

Surrogacy

So as you all may or may not be aware. I am going to be a surrogate. The intended parents are these amazing men who live in Europe. I am super excited about everything, and for those who know me well its been a long and involved process. So the ball has started rolling and suddenly i feel like a snowball on a downhill slope. Its going faster and faster and while I am super excited, i am also really nervous about it. Please be patient with me if I snap at you, understand my hormones are out of control and that i am more than a little scared. The risks are big, but I think the reward is greater. Will hop on this thing again sometime soon. xoxo, kate